The Yellow Notebook

When Dr. Vassalli told us that malignant tumor cells were found in the biopsied lymph node of Ian’s neck, it seemed that all the world should have stopped at that moment and taken notice. But it did not.

For our family, life was in slow motion for about half a day as we processed the impossibly bad news. Then, just as suddenly as we were given the life-changing information, we were thrust into a whirlwind of appointments, conversations, and decisions.

Within a few days, we found ourselves shuffling through notes written on bits of paper, within the margins of books, on the back of brochures, and on our electronic notepads. It quickly became an overwhelming task to keep track of who was who and what came next.

To keep our sanity, I grabbed a yellow college-ruled notebook that was in my desk drawer and added tabs to segment the pages into sections for “Notes,” “To Do’s,” and “Appointments.” I consolidated all our notes and talked to Ian about the new plan of attack. We agreed that anytime he or I would speak with a doctor, nurse, insurance representative, disability coordinator, or any of the myriad of others now in our life, we would add notes to the notebook.

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Amazing Race, Amazing Grace

We were sitting on the couch watching The Amazing Race on TV the other night. It’s been a family favorite for many years. Dave and I always thought our sons, Zach and Ian, should enter the race!

“Send in your audition video,” I’d encourage year after year. “You guys should do this! Hey, it’s for a million dollars,” I’d carry on.

We were very serious but the idea never gained traction with either of them. I guess they were just too busy creating their own Amazing Races or they just weren’t that interested in a million dollars. Still, anytime I watched the show, I could envision them navigating foreign streets, launching watermelons with enormous slingshots, scaling the outside of skyscrapers, rock climbing or whatever crazy challenge came their way. Upon being eliminated from the contest, most contestants tearfully admit that it is the incredible journey that is the most valuable part of being on the Race.

This year, two young men have dominated many of the challenges, Redmond and Matt. Matt is a professional snowboarder and Redmond is a motivational speaker who races with a prosthetic leg. Both are very athletic. I don’t know too much about their backgrounds but, of course, when I watch them I think about Zach and Ian running the Race!

But, this can never be.

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To Share is To Heal

I am on a thousand-mile journey. My shoes are worn out and my flask is empty. The sun is beating down on me. I want to give up, yet I continue to take one tiny step at a time. I don’t know what propels me forward in this desolate place.  Is it my faith in God and his promises for a reunion one day? Is it out of love for dad, Zach and other family members who loved you so much? Or, is it the memory of you battling through one of the toughest situations imaginable and never giving up. You never gave up.  How can I?

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