final wishes – Gift of God : Ian Coronas

If anyone had told us that we could NOT take Ian out of the hospital to bring him home or take him for intensive naturopathic treatment…well, I just can’t even fathom what measures we would have taken to keep our “hope” alive. The doctors had given up on our 23-year-old son Ian just as they had given up on Alfie. But, are they God? Are they his parents, fiancé, brother, grandma, grandpa, aunty, uncle, cousin or best friend? Whether a hospital/doctor/government ends up being right or wrong, it doesn’t matter. It’s NOT their place to make that call…it’s just not.

We were blessed to have doctors that supported our decisions, even when they did not agree with some of them. They thought it was too risky to fly Ian to the Big Island for intensive naturopathic treatment and determined it would be fruitless. But, Ian’s mind was strong. He WANTED to go. He was not ready to give up. As his family, we would have moved mountains to give him every last fighting chance. What did we have to lose?

What did Alfie have to lose?

I will never see those two weeks spent on the Big Island giving Ian his “Hail Mary” as a waste of time. NEVER. In fact, given the circumstances, it was the best of times.

What was the alternative? Think about it.

We have lost so much. But, Ian died with dignity…making choices as HE saw fit through the end of his life. This was OUR FAMILY.

No one had the right to tell us when to “give up”.

My heart is shattered for these parents.

#GoodbyeAlfie #PrayersForTheFamily

#GratefultobeAmerican

We huddled around and watched intently as Dustin, Ian’s extraordinary hospice nurse, disconnected the tube that snaked out of the port in Ian’s chest. With clean, gloved hands, he meticulously wiped both ends with antiseptic wipes.

“Next, insert the needle into the vial to draw out the dose of Dex into the syringe,” Dustin instructed and demonstrated in a deliberate and patient manner. “Then point the needle up and push gently to remove any air.”

This was the most important crash course we would ever take in our lives. Dave, Zach, Lei and I were suddenly intimately involved in not only loving and supporting Ian, but trying to sustain his very life. Now, together with hospice nurses who visited daily, WE were Ian’s new medical team.

Ian’s surgically installed port, once used for the administration of chemotherapy, was now called into duty for other purposes. A split line delivered self-administered pain medications through one side, while the other side was available for ongoing daily doses of Dexamethasone, an anti-inflammatory medication prescribed to help keep swelling down in his central nervous system. It was our job to administer Dex intravenously four times a day.

But, Dexamethasone soon became a dirty little word.

Among its many harsh side effects was insomnia. Ian knew that if his body had any chance of fighting, rest was critical. Determined to control what he could with his now precarious, precious life, Ian determined to forsake western medicine that unfortunately failed to eradicate the cancer. He requested that the doctors wean him off of Dex and all pain meds.

Ian had made up his mind. He would keep fighting, but he would do what felt right to him now … no matter the outcome.

Continue reading “Forever 23” →

Ian

On August 29, 1993, we welcomed our second son into the world and named him Ian. Why Ian? To be honest, after gazing onto his newborn face, we made a last-minute decision. We relegated the previously selected first name of “Tyler” to his middle name and went with Ian (a top choice during the selection process). We were ignorant of the meaning of the name Ian, which 23 years later we discovered means “Gift of God.” A God moment 23-years in the making.

Wikipedia: Ian, Iain (/ˈiː.ən/; Scottish Gaelic pronunciation: [ˈɪʲən]) is a name of Scottish Gaelic origin, ultimately derived from Hebrew Yohanan and corresponding to English John. Meaning gift of god, god’s gift.